_{The Struggle Between Discipline, Culture, and the Law}

A heated debate recently unfolded on X (formerly Twitter) about the challenges Nigerian parents face in raising children in the UK. The core argument?

Parents feel restricted by laws that limit traditional discipline methods, yet the same system later holds these children fully accountable for their actions as adults.

@bewehtnoiyibulo kicked off the discussion:


This sparked a range of reactions from Nigerian parents in the diaspora, exposing deep concerns about cultural identity, community values, and whether modern parenting methods are effective.

What Are Indian and Pakistani Families Doing Differently?

@debb_candy raised an important question:

“But I still want to know what the India, Pakistan do differently! Their kids are well-behaved and understand their language. Even kids as young as five rarely speak English outside. I really want to know because I’m a first-time mum.”

Several users weighed in on the difference between African and South Asian parenting styles:

@tweetsbyolori:

“Those guys are deeply rooted in their culture ooo. They don’t compromise it for anything. Also, they have a large community—like the kind of ‘yard’ people in Nigeria. Their families are super tight-knit, and they don’t report their issues to authorities; they handle things in-house.”

@olumidesadams expanded on this, pointing out the isolation many Nigerian families experience:

“That’s because the entire community is involved in raising every child, and they don’t live the life of isolation we do. You’ll meet a Nigerian at work, and it might take weeks, sometimes months, before they tell you they are Nigerian. We do not trust one another.”

This highlights a key issue—African families often lack strong community support when they migrate, making parenting even more challenging.

The Misconception About Parenting Laws in the UK
Many Nigerian parents believe they can no longer discipline their children in the UK. However, several users corrected this assumption:

@flourish007 debunked the myth:

“Incorrect. No government prohibits disciplining your children—what they oppose is child abuse. Get your facts straight. No police officer will arrest you for disciplining your child. However, leaving marks or causing harm is not discipline; it is abuse. Unfortunately, many Nigerian parents struggle to distinguish between the two.”

@xxbisolaxx also challenged the idea that physical punishment is the only way to discipline a child:

“You can properly discipline your kids. Unless you mean smacking kids? In which case, if smacking solved the problem, we wouldn’t have the number of nuisances we have in Nigeria.”

Other parents shared alternative discipline methods:

@missangeljames:

“You can discipline your kids in many other ways; it’s not all about corporal punishment. My son loves his PS5 and phone, so whenever he misbehaves, I take them away. Believe me, that hurts him more than anything.”

The Breakdown of Community Support in the UK

The conversation also highlighted how the absence of community involvement is making parenting harder:

@dieux_oint shared his frustration as a football coach:

“It takes a village to raise a child, but in the UK, that village is disappearing. There are times when you see kids misbehaving, or the way they talk to adults, and you want to correct them, but you hold back. As a coach, I hear kids tell their parents to ‘shut up,’ and when I try to teach respect, there’s little I can do if the parents can’t reinforce it.”

@hokage_toki pointed out another issue:

“For migrants, especially those from African states, we spend so much time working that actual parenting is left to schools and social care. If we fix the family setting, the kids will have balance and role models to look up to.”

Finding the Right Balance: Can Parents Adapt?

There was a consensus that finding the right approach is difficult, but some solutions emerged from the conversation:

- Be Intentional from an Early Age – @famesh2002 warned: “In England, you just have to be intentional about the children from a very early age; if not, one will bear the consequences.”

- Understand UK Laws on Discipline – @swagaliciousmed advised: “Every parent in the UK should take a safeguarding children Level 1 to 3 course. It is an eye-opener.”

- Create a Strong Cultural Identity at Home – Parents need to reinforce their values consistently.

- Foster Community Relationships – Instead of living in isolation, Nigerian families should actively build support networks.

- Use Effective Discipline Methods – Taking away privileges, setting boundaries, and open communication can be just as effective as physical punishment.

Final Thoughts

The parenting debate in the UK is not just about discipline—it’s about adapting to a new environment while holding on to cultural values. The key takeaway? Nigerian parents can raise disciplined and well-rounded children without resorting to outdated or legally questionable methods.

By blending cultural preservation, modern parenting techniques, and strong community support, parents can successfully navigate these challenges.

Join the Conversation!

What are your thoughts on parenting laws in the UK? How do you balance Nigerian discipline with UK regulations? Share your experiences on japaforum.com—the online home for Nigerians abroad!

#ParentingInTheUK